Advice for pushing through
Mental health is one of those things where it is so hard to admit to yourself that you do actually need help. I mean you only have one brain so how do you know what should be expected from it? Well, there is one thing I do know from experience: convincing yourself over and over again that it is usual to e.g. struggle to breath due to anxiety, is only going to take more oxygen away from your lungs no matter how much air surrounds you. And those of you reading this who wear binders, you need all the oxygen you can get!
Being transgender/gender non-conforming, having so much going on in our brain, from who am I to maybe not feeling like your body is yours, all of these thoughts and feelings are validly going to take a toil on us, I’d be surprised if it didn’t! Especially when society shames anyone who they view to be different, people casually deadnaming and using the wrong pronouns, personally setting us back to step one within a blink, when all we want to do is live authentically.
Support and tips to help you tunnel out:
- You are not alone - it can be extremely hard to reach out for help especially if you feel like there is no one there for you or someone you can relate to. Online LGBTQIA+ organisations, such as Transilience (shout out!), Mermaids or Switchboard, can point you in the right direction, give you support, advice and show you that there is someone in your corner - for links to LGBTQIA+ support websites and resources please see the end of this piece
- Try to do something everyday that makes you happy, even if it’s going to Lidl to buy yourself a sweet treat or playing online with your friends. Doing things you like brings some normality and happiness into a time where you may feel like everything is changing
- Now I say this knowing that with all of these points, this is very much easier said than done - go to your doctor. If you are struggling and feel like it could be helpful, checking in with your doctor and sharing the updates in your life can mean they can give you the support you deserve and hopefully point you in the right direction, for example talk therapy or for a referral. Please note that not every doctor is going to be understanding (they should be but we all know that is not the case), but if you feel like you are able to, please keep fighting as we all have a right to support. My seeking help from my doctor story - when I was 17, after years of struggling, I finally spoke to my parents about going to see the doctor. I said this was due to anxiety - this was definitely not the whole truth but it’s the only thing I could say in front of them. I went to the doctors and let's just say for the things I confided in her, for her to then just give me a leaflet and send me on my way, was definitely not the correct response. After that I felt so defeated and thought that maybe it was usual to have these thoughts and that I was just being dramatic. Long story short, I pulled myself back up and went to see a different doctor, who when I told her about my first experience was shocked. She put me on some good meds, referred me and set up a regularly check in. In conclusion, there are people who will understand and are here to help.
At the end of the day, regardless of this advice, you need to do what's best for you.
Sending you all the best -
Jay (he/him)